Spotlights

The Ruffians Are Coming

At their lively debates GOP candidates
Try attacking each other while grinning.
“Choker,” “Il Douche,” “False-staff” … they’d be making us laugh
Were it not for the chance of one winning.

Acting presidential’s not inconsequential.
You don’t just come out and start swinging.
In a discussion forum you need some decorum
To be worthy at all of West Wing-ing.

Political Games

Politics is a game. As much as we might like to think we’re electing Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, all we ever really get is a pack of deal-makers. Because that’s the game. The only way politicians get what they’re after is by giving some other politicians what they’re after.

So you might think voters would want the best players on their teams … the politicians who are really good at this game. You might think, for example, that someone like Mississippi’s Senator Thad Cochran, who has brought billions of federal dollars to his home state, would be a shoe-in. Plus he goes by the name Thad! How many Thads do you know? But he’s facing a run-off against primary challenger Chris McDaniel.

You might also think Eric Cantor, the House Majority Leader and strong contender for Speaker of the House, would be valued for his obvious skill at playing the game. But you’d be wrong.

This is like voters in Red Sox nation saying, “Gee, David Ortiz is too much of a Fenway insider. Let’s replace him … maybe one of those Jordan’s Furniture guys.”

NOTE: This post was written weeks in advance of publication. If for some reason Eric Cantor was not defeated in Virginia's 7^th district primary on June 10, please disregard.

Super Tuesday

(To the tune of the Rolling Stones' Ruby Tuesday.)

Mitt Romney thinks that he'll come out on top.
But even so this nonsense will not stop.
Gingrich and Santorum
Will find some other forum
For their brawl,
As will Ron Paul.

Goodbye, Super Tuesday.
All you candidates came through.
Though you change with every new day
Wish we could have missed you.

Don't question why the leading guy is Mitt.
They're all equally just full of it.
In red states and in blue
There's been nothing new.
But all this drama
Might help Obama.

Goodbye, Super Tuesday.
All you candidates came through.
Though you change with every new day
Wish we could have missed you.

Newton, The Moon

On Death and Voting

In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined five stages of coping with death:

1. Denial ("Can't be.  I've never felt better!")
2. Anger ("What!  Outrageous!!  I been waiting for the iPad 3!")
3. Bargaining ("I'll eat really healthy starting tomorrow!  No, wait.  Monday.  I'll start Monday.")
4. Depression ("Crap.")
5. Acceptance ("Oh, well.  Better clean up my hard drive.")

In some ways, the Republican nomination race has followed the same progression.  Think about it.

1. Denial ("Hey!  Michele Bachmann is pretty smart!")
2. Anger ("Oh yeah?  Then take Herman Cain!")
3. Bargaining ("How about Newt?  He had the whole Contract with America thing.")
4. Depression ("Santorum? Huntsman? Paul? Anybody?")
5. Acceptance ("Well, I guess it's Romney, even though he looks like one of those pictures that comes with a new frame when you buy it.")

Limerick of the Day #107

In the first-in-the-nation primary
All the way down from Derby to Derry,
N.H. voters chose Mitt.
May that win benefit
Him as much as it once did John Kerry.

It's Mitt, Part 2 (Limerick of the Day #106)

In their efforts to challenge Obama, Ne-
O-Cons have been snubbing Mitt Rom-a-ney.
Now he's passed the first test
By eight votes. Will the rest
Of the states finally make him the nominee?

NOTE: Limericks of the Day numbers 1-105 may be found at Ideas Great and Dumb.

It's Mitt

Mitt Romney scored a decisive victory over rival Rick Santorum last night in the Iowa Caucuses, winning by a whopping 8 votes.  That should give him plenty of momentum to carry into the New Hampshire Primary next week.

It seems Romney had the fortunate position of being everyone's second choice.  Most of the other leading candidates could have beaten him in a one-to-one contest, but in the current free-for-all, Romney wins, in effect, by losing.  While the other Republicans divided the ABM (Anyone But Mitt) vote, perennial bridesmaid Romney sashays to the fore.

Of course, this is good and bad news.  The former Massachusetts governor and reigning flip-flop champion is the only GOP candidate who could seriously take on Obama, but also the only one who's remotely qualified to serve as president.

Besides, think how much fun it will be to say "Romney the Nom'nee."