Monday, April 30, 2012

Suggestions for Further Evolution

Those who believe in evolution understand it to be an on-going process. We have not reached the culmination. We are not the ultimate organisms we can ever hope to be. So on the assumption that evolution will continue to refine our species, I’d like to make some suggestions.

First, don’t have us breathe and eat through the same openings. No good can come of that. I realize the present design is very space efficient, like a toaster-oven, but seriously, what would be wrong with adding a second set of ducts? Of course, we’d have to make do without burping, but somehow, I think the species will survive.

Similarly, let’s have separate equipment for sex and for waste elimination. Enough said?

Additional arms and hands would definitely come in handy be useful. Maybe an extra pair of each. Then we could hold a cup of coffee and a cell phone while typing. Of course some genius would probably come up with a four-handed keyboard, but that should be optional. And think of the benefits for musicians, massage therapists (“Oh yeah, right there, there, there and there.”) and boxers. (“Ooo, he got him with a lower left uppercut followed by a top right cross!”)

Toes are useful only for wearing flip-flops or for getting stubbed. I’d gladly trade those in for webbed feet, especially during beach season.

Speaking of beach season, how about the ability to eat bacon cheeseburgers and donuts without putting on weight? This business of storing energy as fat is downright atavistic. For that matter, disease in general seems pretty useless, other than for thinning the herd. Does it make sense that we’ve evolved to be able to invent the KFC Double Down sandwich, but unable to eat it?

I think that’s about it. Oh, yeah … maybe we could be a little smarter and less violent. That wouldn’t hurt.

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