Ballad Box

A guy on Facebook tried to tell me Hillary is crooked.

I told him that the FBI and Congress  had both looked

And neither could find evidence on which she could be tried.

Says he, "That only goes to prove how thoroughly she lied."

I said, "She had an email server at her residence,

The FBI examined it and found no evidence

That any of the emails there would constitute a crime."

The guy said, quite disdainfully, "Wait. Just give them time."

"Through multiple investigations of Benghazi's raid,

The embassy's security could well have used more aid

But that was cut," I protested, "by your own GOP.

"Nevertheless," the man said, "the blame lies with Hillary."

I soon grew tired of going 'round in this political waltz.

The guy's answer to everything was "Hillary is false.

Don't you see the string of crimes she casually denies?

The proof of guilt is in the way she spews out all those lies!"

"So in your view, she must be guilty if she won't confess?

But if there's been no crime, maybe it's really truthfulness."

The guy replied "Well, can it be you're really such a chump?

The only one who tells the truth ... he said so ... 's Donald Trump."

Ok, Trump Supporters ...

We get it! You’re angry with “the system.” Government is completely corrupt and needs to be taken down and replaced. But please take a moment to think about a couple of things.

First, you know that Hillary Clinton is evil. You know she lied about her emails, and failed to stop the terrorists in Benghazi. Above all, you know the mainstream media have a liberal bias and are all just lying to benefit her and to blame Trump. So most people are not getting the truth.

But how do you know all this? If the mainstream media are all liars, where are you getting your information? Web sites? Facebook posts? Trump speeches? Isn’t it possible … bear with me here … isn’t it just possible that your information sources, the ones that really know how evil Hillary is, are biased too? Isn’t there at least a tiny chance that whatever information sources you’re using are not perfect angels? That they may be trying to make Hillary look bad?

Also, while Trump says he’s the champion of the little guy … the one who’s going to help the middle classes … isn’t it possible that he is lying? After all, he’s a rich (maybe billionaire-rich) guy from New York. We have no experience with him in any kind of public life, so we really don’t know what he’s going to do.

And if you’re a Bernie supporter who’s just voting for Trump to spite Hillary and the Democratic party? Well, that’s just fucking stupid.

A Plea

If you’re a Hillary supporter, I’ve got nothing to say to you.

If you’re a Trump supporter, I have even less for you.

I want to talk to the others … the undecideds, the disaffected Bernie-philes, even the Gary Johnson-ites and the Jill Stein-likers. I’m not just going to say the usual crap about how your vote matters. It matters more than most.

I don’t need to tell you this is a very weird election year. It’s the Reality TV election. We don’t just want our candidate to win. We want the opponent to be voted off the island. To be fired.

Because, let’s face it, this country has become more polarized than it’s been at any time since the last Presidential election. We don’t simply favor one set of policies over another. Ha! How laughably quaint.

No, we’re convinced that only our candidate is even fit for office. We steadfastly cling to the belief that anyone but our candidate would destroy the country and plunge the world into war. Of course, that’s only true of one of the candidates.

Voters rarely base their decisions on the issues. Ordinary Americans can not be expected to weigh the kinds of complex trade-offs between helping families and children versus expelling 11 million immigrants and building a wall to keep them from coming back.

Instead, we like to vote on personality. Each candidate is really a character we’ve come to know, and we love them or hate them based on their roles.

Jill Stein, for example, is the self-righteous better-than-thou environmentalist. “What? You threw out that coffee cup?”

Gary Johnson is the happy-go-lucky doofus. Barney Fife on drugs.

Hillary is the Energizer Bunny. Or maybe Lucy, trying to keep up with the conveyor belt of lies and fabrications about her.

And Trump, of course, is Ralph Kramden. Fred Flintstone. All the bellowing and tantrums, but none of the charm.

So vote for the cartoon character of your choice, but vote!

The Case Against Hillary Clinton

We know from this week’s Republican Convention that Hillary Clinton is the most nefarious criminal of all time. She has only avoided indictment, prosecution, conviction and incarceration because all of the agencies that might bring her to justice, including Congress, the FBI, the Justice Department and the Court of Public Opinion are all so swooney in love with her.

Hillary, who continually flouts the laws of fashion by dressing like a Weeble (“Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down!”), could very well be the first president to be impeached before being elected.

In fact, in just the past few years, Hillary Clinton personally led the 2012 attack on the U.S. embassy in Benghazi, Libya, and knowingly sent highly confidential state secrets to everyone at Starbucks using their public Wi-Fi. Of course, she’s never had to answer for any of this … never had to testify before a congressional committee or endure an FBI investigation … because she’s so wildly liked by everyone, despite the incredible amount of unquestionable evidence these interrogators might have found.

Hillary poses as someone who cares about people, but in fact, she only cares about average or disadvantaged people. She has completely failed to accommodate the unfortunate wealthy. Even now, these upper class job creators are facing unsurmountable challenges in having to pay taxes, and having to bend over backwards to avoid destroying the environment or produce safe products.

And she has completely failed to utter the words “radical Islamic terrorism”, which, like a magic spell, would make the threat immediately disappear.

Fortunately, we have a strong contingent of Trump supporters now mustering in Cleveland. These defenders of American greatness have inspired each other with such unassailable logic as “You deserve better because America deserves better” and “U.S.A.! … U.S.A.! … U.S.A.! … U.S.A.! …”

These staunch defenders of freedom are our best hope against Darth Clinton.

Spotlights

Same Old Saga

GOP Washerwoman

Well, come in. Take a seat, and be sure to say “Howdy.”
I’d like you to greet Representative Gowdy.
He’s got a committee to pillory Hillary
Though they may meet at the local distillery.
They questioned her for eleven hours
But she came off fresher than wild flowers.
If that mistake were all they’d make
We might not be at the Republicans’ Wake.

Well, we must take the country back from all the takers
On government hand-outs, the lot of them fakers.
There’s really no harm in a few little slanders
to Hillary and that guy … what’s his name? … Sanders.
Her entourage of paparazzi
Can’t shield her from blame for Benghazi.
It’s a piece of cake to make her quake,
Yet sure this looks like the Republicans’ Wake.

Well, sometimes it seems that there’s no use in tryin’.
We now face abuse from that liberal Ryan.
He said he would serve as the Speaker provided
We follow unswervingly and undivided.
If all else fails, blame Hillary’s email
Though the real problem’s that she is female.
But for heaven’s sake hush that headache
Or we’ll all end up at the Republicans’ Wake.