Facebook vs. Everything Else

Facebook is trying to become the Internet itself, enticing users to send messages, post statuses, create photo albums, etc. These are all capabilities that are available freely or very cheaply elsewhere, and have been for years.

But now, thanks to Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg and company can check out everything you post. You can allow them to use your name and picture in their sponsors’ ads. And they can decide what your friends and followers will see according to their own secret rules.

So just in case you don't want to give Facebook the keys to your home, here are some other options.

Facebook Feature	Alternative
like	phone call
messages and inbox	email
groups	Yahoo! groups, Google groups, mailing lists
status post	blog
photo album	web page, Picasa, Flickr and many others
news feed	RSS
wall	email, text message, sticky note
timeline	blog
notifications	email, RSS
games	Oh, please!
pages	web page
friends	um … real life?

Dear Everyone,

• No, I don’t want to receive your free email newsletter.
• No, I don’t want to take a few minutes to tell you how satisfied I am with your service/product/whatever. (If I'm not satisfied, you'll hear from me.)
• No, I don’t want to play any Facebook games with you.
• No, I don't need to know what you had for breakfast.
• No, I won’t post your pseudo-profound philosophical tidbit on my status for one hour.
• No, I don’t want to give you access to my email address book so you can see if any of my contacts need spamming.
• No, I don't want to see pictures of your vacation, snow accumulation, new car, kid's prom or cat. (Unless they're 3D!)
• No, I don’t want you to keep showing me ads forever for something I looked up once out of idle curiosity.
• No.
• Yes, I saw what George Takei posted.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Tech Curmudgeon

Backstage at the Web

How the Web Works (When It Works)

Attention Span

The latest research shows that prolonged Web browsing leads to diminished attention span and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blabiddy-blah blah blah. Whoop-di-do. Mairzy doats. "Jeechet?" "Nojoo?""Squeet""Stwirly-tweet"

Furthermore blah blah blah blah et cetera et cetera. Four score and seven years ago. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

Research also indicates that readers who scan through meaningless gibberish have too much free time.

How Web Servers Work (When They Work)

N.M.F.D.

Some people have said the end of the world is coming on Oct. 21 of this year.  This is based largely on the same biblical evidence behind the much acclaimed prediction of The Rapture on May 21.  That drew a smaller crowd than the Red Sox/Cubs series the same weekend.

What few people realize is the real end of the world comes not in the form of Judgement Day or anything celestial.  It will be N.M.F.D.

For the uninitiated, this is No More Freebies Day.  It's the day when GMail, Skype, Yahoo!, YouTube, and all the other free Web services we know and love start charging money.  Cause you know that's gotta happen, right?  Turns out that giving stuff away for free is not a great business model.  Imagine if WalMart had a "Help Yourself" policy.  Do you think there'd be a store in every town in the country?  Imagine if Ikea gave away furniture and cinnamon rolls.  There'd be an epidemic of obesity.  (Oh, wait.)

So prepare yourselves.  The day is coming.  You'll have to pay to watch YouTube! videos.  You'll have to subscribe to use Skype.  Facebook will make you pay for each exciting update on who had what for lunch.  And The New York Times will allow you only 19 free articles per month!

Mark my words!  It'll be worse than any apocalypse.

Clouds

(To the tune of Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell) 
[Play Audio (4:14)]

Access email anyplace,
And chat with people face to face,
Or view the earth from outer space.
I've used The Cloud that way.

But now I only get delays,
And on-line backups last for days.
I'd surf the Web, but in some ways
The Cloud gets in my way.

I've worked The Cloud from both sides now.
The server farms could use a plow.
And client apps are way too slow.
The Cloud is not the way to go.

No dates since the senior prom,
My love life is a total bomb.
e-Harmony and Match.com:
I’ve looked for love that way.

But now I get Cialis ads
With horny grandmas and granddads.
It’s atrophying my gonads.
No mate with whom to play.

I’ve looked for love on both sites now
But still I am without a frau.
With porno sites at beck and call
I really don’t see love at all.

Browsing through an e-tail store,
I've bought some stuff, but wanted more.
And had to check my credit score.
I've looked on-line that way.

But now my bank account's bereft.
My credit lines have nothing left
Thanks to identity theft,
And still I have to pay.

I've looked on-line from both sides now.
I'd use PayPal, but don't know how
And once you cross the firewall
The Web is not secure at all.