Clouds

(To the tune of Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell) 
[Play Audio (4:14)]

Access email anyplace,
And chat with people face to face,
Or view the earth from outer space.
I've used The Cloud that way.

But now I only get delays,
And on-line backups last for days.
I'd surf the Web, but in some ways
The Cloud gets in my way.

I've worked The Cloud from both sides now.
The server farms could use a plow.
And client apps are way too slow.
The Cloud is not the way to go.

No dates since the senior prom,
My love life is a total bomb.
e-Harmony and Match.com:
I’ve looked for love that way.

But now I get Cialis ads
With horny grandmas and granddads.
It’s atrophying my gonads.
No mate with whom to play.

I’ve looked for love on both sites now
But still I am without a frau.
With porno sites at beck and call
I really don’t see love at all.

Browsing through an e-tail store,
I've bought some stuff, but wanted more.
And had to check my credit score.
I've looked on-line that way.

But now my bank account's bereft.
My credit lines have nothing left
Thanks to identity theft,
And still I have to pay.

I've looked on-line from both sides now.
I'd use PayPal, but don't know how
And once you cross the firewall
The Web is not secure at all.