Close Call

Well, that was a close one. There were some tense moments as our nation was brought to the brink of disaster this week. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed. When all the yelling and screaming were done, when the jeering and name calling had subsided, the outcome was apparent to both sides.

Unfortunately, such crises tend to afflict already hard-hit places like Detroit. Yet despite this, they managed to come back and win game 4 (and lose game 5.)

Of course, the Sox haven’t clinched the ALCS yet. There are still one or two games to go. But in this series, the Sox have always been ahead or tied. So far.

Oh yeah, there was also that government shutdown/debt ceiling thingie. We’ve staved off disaster there too, but, as baseball fans know well, there’s always next year.

Ending the Shutdown

The Republican rhetoric about the government shutdown has been so emphatic that it would be impossible for them to back down now without losing face. They cannot allow the government to re-open or the debt ceiling to be raised without appearing to have completely caved, giving Obama and the Democrats a total victory.

So, to help resolve this impasse, Obama might consider certain accommodations which, while not in any way capitulating to Republican demands, would still give Republicans trophies they can brandish to claim victory. Let’s make sure each member of Congress gets something. Some ideas:

1. A weekend in the Lincoln Bedroom. 
2. A free month of Netflix. 
3. Starbucks gift cards. 
4. Free trial memberships in Capitol Bikeshare. 
5. Autographed copies of Atlas Shrugged. … Just kidding. It’s The Audacity of Hope. (Ha-ha. It’s Hunger Games.) 
6. Zero percent financing and a 5 year/60,000 mile warranty on any new 2013 Ford. 
7. A free month’s supply of Cialis. (Bad idea.) 
8. iTunes or Google Play gift cards. 
9. A three day, two night stay at the Walt Disney World Resort. 
10. Obamacare will not … repeat NOT be repealed, delayed, unfunded, or in any other way constrained, but it will be renamed from The Affordable Care Act to Yet Another Democratic Entitlement We Told You So Neener Neener.

Agreeing to Disagree

The phrase "agree to disagree" is commonly used to dismiss arguments and debates between people with irreconcilable viewpoints. In essence, the phrase means the two sides will never see eye to eye, and everyone should just move on.

In the U.S. Congress, however, that approach has become standard operating procedure. In the recent debt ceiling debacle, the only way to pass any legislation at all was to get both sides to settle their differences later. The final settlement will be done with pistols at sunrise or, more violently, with a congressional super-committee.

To get the fireworks going promptly, all of the Republican appointees to this committee have signed the "no new tax" pledge. Basically, this means they've sworn not to consider all the options. It's kind of like a criminal trial where half the jurors have already promised not to find the defendant guilty.

Democrats meanwhile, in a characteristic show of strength, have not managed to appoint all their members yet.

This committee will have to decide how to trim $1.5 trillion from the federal budget over the next decade. This task is complicated by the "no tax" pledge, the latest economic events, and the recent Netflix rate increase.

The committee has until Thanksgiving to complete its work and come up with a mutually agreeable plan to solve debt problems. If they can't agree (What are the odds?), then a bunch of automatic cuts will kick in, causing Democrats to howl and Republicans to sniff indignantly. With this powerful incentive, we can be sure the committee will be just as productive and non-partisan as the last round of deficit reduction talks.