Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Ending the Shutdown

The Republican rhetoric about the government shutdown has been so emphatic that it would be impossible for them to back down now without losing face. They cannot allow the government to re-open or the debt ceiling to be raised without appearing to have completely caved, giving Obama and the Democrats a total victory.

So, to help resolve this impasse, Obama might consider certain accommodations which, while not in any way capitulating to Republican demands, would still give Republicans trophies they can brandish to claim victory. Let’s make sure each member of Congress gets something. Some ideas:

  1. A weekend in the Lincoln Bedroom. 
  2. A free month of Netflix. 
  3. Starbucks gift cards. 
  4. Free trial memberships in Capitol Bikeshare. 
  5. Autographed copies of Atlas Shrugged. … Just kidding. It’s The Audacity of Hope. (Ha-ha. It’s Hunger Games.) 
  6. Zero percent financing and a 5 year/60,000 mile warranty on any new 2013 Ford. 
  7. A free month’s supply of Cialis. (Bad idea.) 
  8. iTunes or Google Play gift cards. 
  9. A three day, two night stay at the Walt Disney World Resort. 
  10. Obamacare will not … repeat NOT be repealed, delayed, unfunded, or in any other way constrained, but it will be renamed from The Affordable Care Act to Yet Another Democratic Entitlement We Told You So Neener Neener.

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