Monday, October 7, 2013

Badly Broken

When I wrote about ''Breaking Bad'', I had not properly reflected on the show’s similarities to my own life. The show’s main character, Walter White, was a high school chemistry teacher, and I had a high school chemistry teacher. Walt was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, and I with eminently operable prostate cancer. And most of all, he looks great in a van Dyke, and I … have such a beard.

So I’ve been thinking that I, too, should turn to a life of crime. After all, how else can you make over $10 million in only five seasons? Ok, investment banking, but doesn’t that sound boring?

Of course, I don’t have the know-how to make and sell meth the way Walt did. I looked for one of those For Dummies books, but Amazon had nothing.

Piracy seems promising. I could get my feet wet with software piracy. I do know something about software. Of course, that's nothing compared to the excitement that FBI warning at the beginning of DVDs always evokes. Unfortunately, I just can’t see how you can make tons of money giving stuff away free.

Armed robbery? I think that would be really bad for my blood pressure.

I’ve been over this and over it, and I can come up with just one practical path to the rewards and sense of accomplishment that only outright criminality can bring ... just one way to taste the thrill of aggressive, anti-social behavior that drove Walt White.

I’ll have to run for Congress.

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