Friday, March 25, 2011

The Yearly Cycle

With Spring weather comes the inevitable return of lawless gangs of bikers, choking our roadways and threatening our petroleum-based way of life.  These scofflaws and ne're-do-wells have been known to run STOP signs and ride between lanes of traffic, clearly endangering everything that is good in society.

Ordinary citizens, with no more protection than their two-ton SUVs, are at the mercy of these hooligans on their 30 pound aluminum and steel contraptions.  Motorists may suffer delays and even scratched paint by being forced to share the road with such garishly clad outlaws.  Even making a right turn or opening a car door can provoke an attack by a self-righteous cyclist.

What can we do about it?

Well, if you're inclined to avoid confrontation, you can try to find the most heavily pitted and pot-holed routes to take.  These tend to deter the species bicyclus Spandex.

But if, like me, you believe the best defense is an offense, there are a number of steps you can take.  Throwing bottles and lit cigarettes from a moving car window has been shown to be effective against cyclists.  Stopping short and opening car doors without warning are also good.  Another useful technique is to serpentine, veering from side to side as you drive.  In general, anything that keeps bicyclists from anticipating what you're going to do can be an effective defense.

I see people driving like this all the time, so clearly the word is getting out.

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