Created while watching Jeopardy.
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Showing posts with label television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label television. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Televentuality
Troubled technology company Yahoo, whose previous claim to fame was that it’s named after the stupid, brutish people in Gulliver’s Travels, is now getting into the television business. They announced this week that they’re commissioning two comedy series, and that they’re going to start streaming live concerts every day.
With this move, Yahoo joins the ranks of Netflix, Amazon, Google and every idiot with a phone and a YouTube account. Can it be that these companies have realized that, far from clamoring for new gadgets and Web sites, people really just want to watch TV? (Actually, most of the new gadgets and Web sites are designed for TV watching.) Humankind’s destiny is to evolve into recumbent blobs capable of absorbing massive amounts of televised entertainment, as depicted in Disney’s WALL-E.
Just look around. There are TV screens everywhere. In elevators. In every restaurant or bar. On airplane seats. On grocery shopping carts. In kitchens and bathrooms. I know a lot of parents who treat the TV as a pacifier for their kids, but who’s pacifying us?
Of course, not just anyone can create such crowning cultural achievements as “2 Broke Girls,” “Wipe Out” or “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” This kind of talent will be increasingly in demand. And while I’m glad to see new opportunities for creative people, the current milieu of thousands of channels, Web sites and download sources, all brimming with utter crap1, does not fill me with optimism.
1With a few notable exceptions.
With this move, Yahoo joins the ranks of Netflix, Amazon, Google and every idiot with a phone and a YouTube account. Can it be that these companies have realized that, far from clamoring for new gadgets and Web sites, people really just want to watch TV? (Actually, most of the new gadgets and Web sites are designed for TV watching.) Humankind’s destiny is to evolve into recumbent blobs capable of absorbing massive amounts of televised entertainment, as depicted in Disney’s WALL-E.
Just look around. There are TV screens everywhere. In elevators. In every restaurant or bar. On airplane seats. On grocery shopping carts. In kitchens and bathrooms. I know a lot of parents who treat the TV as a pacifier for their kids, but who’s pacifying us?
Of course, not just anyone can create such crowning cultural achievements as “2 Broke Girls,” “Wipe Out” or “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” This kind of talent will be increasingly in demand. And while I’m glad to see new opportunities for creative people, the current milieu of thousands of channels, Web sites and download sources, all brimming with utter crap1, does not fill me with optimism.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Friday, March 23, 2012
Power Siris
Our Tech Curmudgeon Research and Prognostication (TCRAP) group announced today that they had achieved a milestone in their current investigation, which was centered on getting two iPhone 4Ses ... Should that be iPhone 4sses? Or iPhones 4S? ... anyway, they got two of these iPhone 4S thingies to converse. The exchange went something like this:
P.I.:1 Siri, Hi.
iPhone 4S/Siri #1: Hello.
iPhone 4S/Siri #2: Hello.
We know the second iPhone 4S was addressing the first because they made iContact.
Now admittedly this is a pretty short, superficial conversation, but it already surpasses the level of discourse on Amazing Race, among other network shows. And don't get me started on TV networks and the so-called "March Madness."
We can look forward to Siri/Siri conversations in the not-too-distant future with such sparkling repartee as:
P.I.1: Greetings.
Siri #1: The iTunes Store offers Greetings from Asbury Park, Bruce Springsteen, 1973.
Siri #2: Here are directions to Asbury Park, New Jersey.
Siri #1: New Jersey, known as the Garden State, is located in the mid-Atlantic coastal region of the United States.
Siri #2: The United States occupies 3.79 million square miles, and has a population of over 300 million people and over 50 million iPhone 4Ses. Or should that be iPhones 4S?
And so on. The next breakthrough would be getting one of the Siris to initiate the conversation.
And as for network television, do they really think the usual audience for The Big Bang Theory would rather watch college basketball?
Seriously?
1P.I. stands for principal investigator, which is kind of like a private investigator, except that instead of being a cool guy in a rumpled suit who chases bad guys, a principal investigator is a geeky person in a lab coat who chases grant money.
P.I.:1 Siri, Hi.
iPhone 4S/Siri #1: Hello.
iPhone 4S/Siri #2: Hello.
We know the second iPhone 4S was addressing the first because they made iContact.
Now admittedly this is a pretty short, superficial conversation, but it already surpasses the level of discourse on Amazing Race, among other network shows. And don't get me started on TV networks and the so-called "March Madness."
We can look forward to Siri/Siri conversations in the not-too-distant future with such sparkling repartee as:
P.I.1: Greetings.
Siri #1: The iTunes Store offers Greetings from Asbury Park, Bruce Springsteen, 1973.
Siri #2: Here are directions to Asbury Park, New Jersey.
Siri #1: New Jersey, known as the Garden State, is located in the mid-Atlantic coastal region of the United States.
Siri #2: The United States occupies 3.79 million square miles, and has a population of over 300 million people and over 50 million iPhone 4Ses. Or should that be iPhones 4S?
And so on. The next breakthrough would be getting one of the Siris to initiate the conversation.
And as for network television, do they really think the usual audience for The Big Bang Theory would rather watch college basketball?
Seriously?
1P.I. stands for principal investigator, which is kind of like a private investigator, except that instead of being a cool guy in a rumpled suit who chases bad guys, a principal investigator is a geeky person in a lab coat who chases grant money.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Pre-emptive Strike
Like most Americans, I've been reserving judgement, eager to see how our new President would perform that job. I've been watching the signs, trying to read between the politics, and, of couse, hoping.
But now it's all over. He blew it. I thought he was going to bring change, but it's just more of the same.
I'm referring to tonight's press conference, which, like those of all past Presidents since JFK, disrupted the evening TV schedule! Seriously, CBS pushed back airing The Big Bang Theory until after 9:30!!! (As I may or may not have mentioned here, The Big Bang Theory is the best network show on the air. It's the only one whose characters are at all believable.)
So here's the President talking about economic stimulus, and about how we need to give Americans the confidence to start contributing to the economy again. And the whole press conference is shown without commercials! How are we supposed to stimulate consumers if we're not putting the Swiffer Wet-Jet and the Angry Whopper in their faces every 10 minutes?
Why can't he do press conferences on cable channels? They always have weird schedules anyway. He could get a ratings boost by following Big Love on HBO, or The Tudors on Showtime. And appearing on cable channels would have an additional benefit. He could use any of George Carlin's seven words you can't say on television. That's right, he could curse a blue streak! The President could really tell those stimulus-blocking Republicans what he thinks of them.
Or he could just appear on public television. Isn't that what the "public" part is about? Ok, maybe he couldn't swear, but he could have discreet nudity. That would improve security as well as enlivening the procedings. However, he'd have to be selective about which reporters fit the "clothes optional" category.
To his credit, Obama did have the good sense to keep the press conference short. Some more verbose President would have pre-empted The Big Bang Theory altogether.
But now it's all over. He blew it. I thought he was going to bring change, but it's just more of the same.
I'm referring to tonight's press conference, which, like those of all past Presidents since JFK, disrupted the evening TV schedule! Seriously, CBS pushed back airing The Big Bang Theory until after 9:30!!! (As I may or may not have mentioned here, The Big Bang Theory is the best network show on the air. It's the only one whose characters are at all believable.)
So here's the President talking about economic stimulus, and about how we need to give Americans the confidence to start contributing to the economy again. And the whole press conference is shown without commercials! How are we supposed to stimulate consumers if we're not putting the Swiffer Wet-Jet and the Angry Whopper in their faces every 10 minutes?
Why can't he do press conferences on cable channels? They always have weird schedules anyway. He could get a ratings boost by following Big Love on HBO, or The Tudors on Showtime. And appearing on cable channels would have an additional benefit. He could use any of George Carlin's seven words you can't say on television. That's right, he could curse a blue streak! The President could really tell those stimulus-blocking Republicans what he thinks of them.
Or he could just appear on public television. Isn't that what the "public" part is about? Ok, maybe he couldn't swear, but he could have discreet nudity. That would improve security as well as enlivening the procedings. However, he'd have to be selective about which reporters fit the "clothes optional" category.
To his credit, Obama did have the good sense to keep the press conference short. Some more verbose President would have pre-empted The Big Bang Theory altogether.
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