Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The New iPad

As we predicted, Apple's new iPad, known as the new iPad1, will be new. In particular, it will provide four (4) times as many display pixels as the previous model. Overall, the resolution of 2048 x 1536 means the device requires three million one hundred forty-five thousand seven hundred and twenty-eight (3,14 ... whatever) pixels.  This could lead to a world-wide pixel shortage.

Currently Apple's chief manufacturer, Foxconn, is believed to have a supply of pixels sufficient to equip 20 or 30 million new iPads, far fewer than the expected sales this year. Researchers are now frantically trying to develop new pixel sources via mining and off-shore drilling. In particular, the controversial practice known as fracking may be adapted to produce pixels from naturally occurring shale. However, environmentalists fear that widespread fracking could lead to cave-ins in pixel-rich areas.

At today's new iPad announcement, Apple CEO Tim Cook, with his shirt un-tucked in a pathetic attempt to mimic the casual coolness of the late Steve Jobs, appeared unconcerned about possible pixel drought, fueling speculation that Apple has been cultivating techniques for producing synthetic pixels.

1How many years will they get out of that naming convention?  Three, I suppose, if they use "newer" and "newest" for the next couple of models.

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