People Are Stupid

(May be sung to the tune of “Beauty School Dropout” from Grease.)

Our story’s sad to tell,
Handbaskets bound for hell.
We squander all the gifts we should embrace.
Our future’s so unclear now.
The thing we have to fear now
Is what we’re doing to the human race.

People are stupid.
All evidence suggests I’m right.
People are stupid.
As a species, we’re none too bright.

Though for centuries quite violently we’ve lost daughters and sons
There are still those who believe the way to safety is more guns.

Every so often (Every so often)
Folks’ll go on a killing spree
But we can’t soften (But we can’t soften)
Gun rights ‘cause that’s what keeps us free.

There are guns for every woman, man and child alive today.
But we need more, according to the NRA.

People are stupid.
We think the earth is infinite.
People are stupid.
Where else would we dump all our shit?

And in spite of all the hurricanes and blizzarding and storming
We just can’t believe that seven billion folks might cause some warming.

Baby, don’t sweat it. (Baby, don’t sweat it.)
Why must the planet be ice-capped?
Better forget it. (Better forget it.)
Like other species, we’ll adapt.

So when the oceans boil we’ll still need oil
To drive the SUV
Up to the higher ground where someone found a tree.

Don’t let conditions
Cause you anxiety or fear.
Our politicians
Fix things in an election year.

So you see we’ve really got no one besides ourselves to blame,
But we’re so stupid we can say this with no shame.

People are stupid, (People are stupid,)
And we can say this with no shame.
People are stupid, (People are stupid,)
And we can say this with no shame.
People are stupid, (People are stupid,)
And we can say this with no shame.

Politician Aptitude Test

Have things changed at all since the Revolution?
Should every gun lover be permitted to carry?
Do you believe in the theory of evolution?
Do you think gays have a right to marry?

Do you think more guns make this a safer place?
Does a 2-cell zygote have more soul than a cow?
Should colleges look at an applicant’s race?
Is the climate changing with effects right now?

Do you believe in public education
Or any assistance for struggling poor
Like access to healthcare and medication?
Should we drill for oil both on- and off-shore?

Can you quote the party line each time you pander,
And not have to fallback on insight or candor?

Fantasyland

June Is Bustin' Out All Over

(To the tune of ... well, June Is Bustin' Out All Over, from Carousel, by Rogers and Hammerstein)

June is bustin' out all over,
All over the continents and seas.
From the tropics to the poles
All those ozone layer holes
Are ensuring that there's no place left to freeze.

June is bustin' out all over.
The climate is nothin' like before.
Ev'ry storm that once was silent's
Now a hurricane that's violent,
And the permafrost ain't perma anymore.

Because it's June!
June! June! June!
Just because it's June, June, June!

Don't be surprised the weather's strange.
They've been predictin' climate change.

June is bustin' out all over,
And soon there'll be no place left to hide.
All our vehicles and tools
Have been consuming fossil fuels
'Til the atmosphere's just carbon dioxide.

June is bustin' out all over.
Farewell to the flowers and the trees.
All the weather's more outrageous
Than it's been since the ice ages
And our cities soon will lie beneath the seas.

On account o' it's June!
June! June! June!
Just because it's June, June, June!

Seven Billion

Various estimates of world population put it pretty close to seven billion.  Give or take a few hundred million.  What the heck does that mean?

Ever go to a sports event in a large stadium?  Fifty thousand people is a reasonable estimate for the the capacity of a good size stadium.  Not counting cheerleaders.  (Actually, going by the Wikipedia List of American Football Stadiums By Capacity, the average is probably higher, but fifty thousand is a nice easy number to work with.)  The larger stadiums seem to hold close to 100,000 fans.  So, for argument's sake, let's say fifty to a hundred thousand (plus the cheerleaders.)

So two stadiums (or one big one) hold 100,000 people.  Picture the lines at those bathrooms!  And that's only 100,000.

So ten times that ... ten or twenty stadiums ... is about a million people.  Ten to twenty football stadiums full of chest-painted, big-foam-finger-wearing, beer-swilling fans ... a million people!

Now take those ten or twenty stadiums, and multiply by 300.  Three to six thousand football stadiums.  That's a lot of football stadiums.  That's like having a football stadium every 25 to 35 miles all across and up and down the entire United States.  Think about it.  Anywhere in the U.S., you're never more than about 20 minutes from a football stadium  And that would be just about enough stadiums to hold every man, woman and child in the U.S.  Three hundred million people.  All watching football.

Now three times that number, 9 to 18 thousand stadiums, that would be about a billion people.

And the world has almost seven times that many!

So is it possible, just possible, that all those people driving cars and flying jets, using TVs and computers, chopping down trees, eating food, burping, cheerleading, etc. just might have some impact on the world's climate?