Monday, August 12, 2013

Job Seekers' Guide

The overall job picture in the U.S. is still grim, but in high technology industries, there are plenty of jobs going begging. Job descriptions are written by master wordsmiths whose goal is to make the most mundane chore sound like ... well, to make it sound pleasurable. So, as a public service, we offer these explanations of some of the terms commonly used these solicitations.
dynamic environment
The company's nowhere.

You'll work your ass off.

You'll work your ass off, and then back on, and then off again. Twice.

There's a foosball table (that you can sleep on, since you'll never get to go home.)

generous benefits
Free candy.

start-up atmosphere
A dozen people, all of whom biked to work without showering (because there are no showers), sitting around a table with laptops.

team player
You'll have no say over what happens.

well funded
You won't get any stock, because the investors have snatched it all up.

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