An Open Letter To CBS

Dear CBS:

You suck!

Sincerely yours,
The Tech Curmudgeon

P.S. - This seemingly harsh critique is not being dispensed lightly. I will, for example, give you credit for coming up with a few reasonably entertaining shows, some of which have actual comic (e.g., Big Bang Theory), dramatic (e.g., The Good Wife) or intellectual (e.g., Jeopardy) appeal. (You do, however, owe humanity an abject apology for Two Broke Girls.)

But you persist in pre-empting or, worse, randomly re-scheduling the quality shows in order to accommodate any programming that might remotely be considered a sport, including tiddly-winks, paper football and coin tossing. In fact, you’ve given the reigning best show on television, Jeopardy, the boot for some idiotic football pre-season talk show! It’s not even football season. What is the pre-season? The whole rest of the year?

Worse, when Sunday night programming is delayed by some late afternoon game, your programming execs (That has to be an oxymoron … or some kind of moron anyway.) move the entire evening line up. Instead of simply dropping the utterly useless and civilization-eroding Amazing Race so the other programs could stay on schedule, which would irritate only those who want to watch a group of desperate idiots perform humiliating and degrading stunts, you insist on pissing off your entire audience.

Technology has given viewers more and more control. People expect to be able to watch whatever they want whenever they want. At the very least, they should be able to watch what they want when it’s supposed to be on. Your approach of blithely ignoring your own schedules is like saying to viewers: “We decide what your going to watch and when.” Yeah. Good luck with that.

P.P.S. - And please stop showing those stupid ads for yogurt that makes you poop.

The Fall TV Line-Up

The new fall TV line-up has been announced. ABC introduces new shows, Totally Nude Supermodels (Partly Obstructed Views), and Incredibly Good Looking People (Who Are Not Models) Doing Stupid Stuff, as well as the returning favorites Nearly Naked Models, Hot Babes in Skimpy Outfits, and Nightline.

In the game category, ABC will add People Who Have No Business Dancing.

CBS follows up the successes of CSI and NCIS with premieres of new crime-fighting procedurals INCS, CINS, SNIC and NCISSISSIPPI. New situation comedies include Two Incredibly Lame-Brained Idiots and Immature Men (Isn’t That Redundant?) 

NBC will be rolling out new episodes of Old Actors Trying Desperately to Revive Their Careers, as well as the newly retitled You’re Fired. (Research indicates the audience had trouble with the words “celebrity” and “apprentice.”)

MSNBC will extend it’s line-up with a new prime time commentary show, Cherry Picked News with Innuendo, while Fox renews its long-running faux-reality show, Fox News.

Of course, Fox’s real attention-getter is Seth MacFarlane's new prime time animated series, &@$# You!