I’m not a particularly open person. Most of my social media use consists of posting what I hope are cynical, witty (some would say wise ass) remarks. And even for those, I often hide behind the pseudonym Tech Curmudgeon.
But I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I have this strange urge to come clean. Please disregard the following.
For nearly 4 years, I’ve been dealing with prostate cancer. After going through surgery, radiation therapy, and various hormone
therapy drugs, I’m entering a new phase. The next treatments, sipuleucel-T, radium-223 and chemotherapy, will be less gentle but, I
hope, more effective.
I’m not mentioning this to get sympathy. I’m not asking for any kind of help. I’m not even looking to promote the cause of cancer
research and care (though it certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing to consider.)
I’m really just feeling … and this is going to sound corny as hell … that life is beautiful. I don’t mean in a treacly,
Hallmark-card kind of way. I mean really fucking beautiful, in a dramatic way. It’s as if the very fragility of life itself, and the
complete uncertainty we all must live with, are what make life meaningful. Maybe that’s existential … the meaninglessness of life
is what gives it meaning.
Not everything, of course. Hatred and bigotry win no pageants. And illness is not high on my list right now.
But I’m frequently moved to tears, literally, by movies, shows and events that show people caring about each other, helping each
other, behaving not just humanly, but humanely. Of course, some of that is the hormone therapy drugs, but not all of it.
Anyway, my apologies. I’ll try to go back to being cynical and, hopefully, witty now.