Friday, December 2, 2011

News Roundup

Following eviction from its downtown location, the local protest movement has decamped to a nearby home, where it has become known as Occupy Steve's House. Steve Metzger (31), of Greenville, says he's "pleased and proud" to have the tent city in his living room.  Pauline Metzger (27) admits it can be "inconvenient, especially when I'm nursing the twins." The twins could not be reached for comment.

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Perennial Republican runner-up Mitt Romney said today that he had a revelation after talking to a prominent immigration scientist, and that now, like his rival Newt Gingich, favors allowing undocumented aliens who have been in this country for years to remain, provided they have WalMart cards.

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Senate Republicans blocked a Democrat-backed measure to extend payroll tax cuts, saying it would only benefit people who work for a living.

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Euro-zone countries tentatively adopted a plan to buy tons of gyros and souvlaki, and millions of barrels of Ouzo, in order to help debt-ridden Greece. German Chancellor Angela Merkel commented that the European Union is unsure how to proceed with other troubled economies, however.  "We already have lots of tapas and pasta."

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