Friday, November 5, 2010

Telecommuting Priorities

If you've been working in an office, becoming a telecommuter requires certain adjustments.  You need to accept Casual Friday on Tuesday (and every other day).  You need to find a way to be excited about every bird or squirrel your cats see.  That's the office gossip.

But mainly, you need to find a caffeine delivery system.  I don't mean "delivery" as in some person who brings coffee to your house (though that would be great!)  I mean a system for producing ingestible caffeine, usually in liquid form, and enabling the consumption of that caffeine.

You may have gotten spoiled in the office by having coffee always ready, or even having one of those cup-at-a-time brewing systems that make fresh coffee and landfill at about the same rate.  You may be used to running to your nearest Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts for a dose, but that requires pants, a frivolous luxury for the home worker.

So now you're reduced to having to eke out caffeine from raw materials found in the home.  It's like being on Survivor.  Luckily, The Tech Curmudgeon is here to help.

Let's start by introducing the basic concepts and we can get into the details at a later date.  Most often, caffeine is purchased in a form called coffee.  This is usually either dark, crunchy beans that taste like high priced dirt, or a powder whose very aroma could revive the dead.  There are devices, called grinders, to convert the beans into the powder, usually at the decibel level of a Boeing 777.

Once the powder form has been obtained, the trick is to put it into very close proximity to hot water for some period of time.  Experts differ on how hot the water should be, how long the powder and water should be together, and how to separate the powder from the water so you can drink (the water) without that grit-in-the-teeth sensation of a surfer face-planting on the beach.  We at The Tech Curmudgeon are vigorously researching these questions, and will issue a full report once we have sufficient data.

Meanwhile, we feel it's appropriate to have a special toast for those about to drink coffee, similar to the toasts for alcoholic drinks.  Here's our proposal ...


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