The Photoshop Diet

In order to start the new year off right, I prioritized those resolutions that relate to health and fitness. After watching videos of how models are retouched for magazine covers and ads, I realized that technology has finally given us the key to perfect health and beauty ... Photoshop. In fact, the more our lives are conducted on-line, the more perfect this solution becomes. As you can see, even a few short days can have dramatic effects ...

AMAZING RESULTS OVERNIGHT!!

So try the Photoshop Diet. After all, what's more important than your health?

Resolutions for the New Year

One of my resolutions last year was to stop procrastinating. So here I am working on my this year’s resolutions.

Now I’m a far cry from perfect, but I’m having a hard time coming up with things to resolve. I don’t have a lot of what are traditionally considered vices … gambling, drinking, cavorting with expensive prostitutes (or even reasonably priced ones), hogging the remote … you know, the usual. My shortcomings all seem pretty boring in comparison:

1) I try out lots of bad jokes on my loved ones, and

2) I’m not very good at noticing people's haircuts.

Neither of those has the makings of an inspirational resolution. Real resolutions would be something dramatic. Finish that novel! Run a marathon! Learn to make cannoli.

But I’d have to start a novel. I get shin splints running for the bus. And I don’t even like cannoli. So I’m stuck with the boring resolutions. Watch more PBS. Eat plenty of roughage. Try not to use styrofoam containers.

Hmmm. Maybe I’ll resolve to develop some vices this year, so I'll have something to work on.

Actually, the “stop procrastinating” resolution was from two years ago. I’m just working on ones for 2012 now.