Things Suck

I’ve been a bit lax in posting wryly humorous comments on current events, largely because … well, frankly, things suck.

Here we are a few weeks before election day, and nobody seems excited about any of the prospects. Republicans running against the Obama mentality are facing challenges from Democrats running against the Obama mentality. In fact, the elections are so boring that some of the candidates aren’t even showing up for their own campaign events.

Meanwhile, the looming specters of ISIS and Ebola continue to haunt the media, despite the fact that the number of Americans who have contracted Ebola in this country is about equal to the number of sentences in this paragraph. Including this one.

ISIS displayed its resiliance by withstanding half-baked attempts to rename them ISIL in order to protect the trademarks of a bunch of businesses which are, in turn, named after an ancient Egyptian goddess. Officials declined to comment on rumors of further attempts to degrade ISIS’s capabilities by giving them candy-ass names.

In technology news, Apple has once again rocked the world by announcing ground breaking imitations of Samsung phones. And some major bank or financial institution was hacked, probably by Chinese or Russians or both, resulting in the theft of millions of customers’ personal information, including names, account numbers and preferences for English or Español at the ATM.

And some celebrity did something stupid. Or died. Or both.